Hipster Quiz

Hipster - 9 out of 12 Damn!
Not a hipster- 0 out of 12 Damn! Damn!

Damn! I can no longer mock.-Ali

The Hipster Handbook defines a hipster in a dictionary style on the back of the book's dust jacket:"hip . ster -\hip-stur(s)\n. One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term "cool": a Hipster would instead say "deck.") The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat."

The Hipster Handbook further defines a hipster by use of lists:
12 Clues You Are a Hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
2. You frequently use the term 'postmodern' (or its commonly used variation 'PoMo') as an adjective, noun, and verb.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (ElimiDATE, Quiet Riot, and Entertainment Weekly are popular ones) that helps to define you as well-rounded.
5.You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.
6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine.
7. You bought your dishes and a checkered tablecloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties.
8. You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your 'one Republican friend.'
9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself.
10. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
11. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, Saddle Creek, and Drag City."
12. You have downloaded R. Stevie Moore videos and have attempted to enjoy them.

12 Clues You Are Not a Hipster
1. You teach Sunday school.
2. You use hair spray and wear pleated pants or pastel dress suits.
3. You are a big fan of the suburbs and vinyl siding.
4. You have a special 'spill shirt' that you wear when you eat dinner at night.
5. You like to watch college football.
6. You read novels with raised lettering on their covers.
7. You eat at Popeye's on a regular basis.
8. You listen to the Dave Matthews Band while driving in your SUV.
9. You wear holiday-themed sweaters with Santa Clauses, jack-o'-lanterns, and snowflake patterns knitted onto them.
10. You work in an office building that has a man-made pond and a fountain in its front lot.
11. You consider Jim Breuer to be a comic genius.
12. You know nothing of R. Stevie Moore and would not listen to him given the opportunity.

Rilo Kiley show

Rilo Kiley

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting (really only a month) it was time to see Rilo Kiley at the Grove in Anaheim.

I haven’t been out on a school/work night that late for a while, but the bags under my eyes are worth it. Nothing that caffeine can’t fix.

I would have had a full night’s rest of they had cut out the first opening act, It’s a Grand Ole Party. Let me say, they were neither grand nor anything close to a party. The lead singer played drums ala Meg White (not a compliment) and sang- with a headset. She had a good voice, but it was awkwardly uncomfortable to watch her drum poorly while singing and making faces like she’s having a stroke. I escaped to the lobby to drink an $8 Newcastle with my Mom and peoplewatch.

I discovered a few things. One, the resurgence in leggings has opened the door to their evil siblings, stretch pants and bike shorts. These should only be worn under something, and that something is not an oversized belt and t-shirt. Another, I think this spandex influx also brought back the rat-tail hair thing??? (whatever you call it when you have one strand of hair sprouted out the back of your head) I need to invest in a spy camera, preferably one that attaches to my glasses so I can take pictures of these things without getting caught.
I even saw a girl dressed up early in her Halloween costume as my fave British popwreck, Amy Winehouse. Seriously, is this a “thing” now, this “look”??? The black mess on your head with sideswept bangs, skinny jeans, and ballet slippers? What kind of fuckery is this? Too bad she didn’t go all out with the batwing eyeliner. What a cop out.

Lastly, my Mom was the coolest person over 30 there. I’d much prefer people to say about me “Is that girl hanging out with her Mom?” than “Are those bike shorts?”

After the second band started we went inside for some mellow guy and girl duo, they were ok, but strangely resembled a younger version of the Anna Gasteyer/Will Ferrel SNL duo “The Culps” who sang loungey and upbeat ditties with an organ and tambourine. http://snl.jt.org/char.php?i=423
When they finally finished it was twenty minutes or more of painfully waiting for RK.
When the eternal wait was over, the lights dimmed, we all started “Woo-hoo”ing and out walks- A Dolly Parton impersonator.
So it was funny, but mildly irritating. After 5 songs it was no longer funny and extremely irritating, more irritating than the tall guy standing in front of me. The audience turned on her halfway into her second song.

This picture is purposely blurry, because you don't want to see what she really looked like.

Maybe Rilo Kiley found her in Vegas after their Saturday night show and decided to bring her on the tour as a gag? No thank you. The band finally entered during her heartfelt rendition of “I Will Always Love You” or whatever it’s called and the girl behind me said “What? Whitney Houston?” More about her later.

So they finally played. And it was amazing. They made me happy by including songs from More Adventurous, The Execution of All Things, AND Takeoffs and Landings, not just their latest release Under The Blacklight. But I was certain my faves from Rilo Kiley, the old old one, would not show up, and I was right. Guess that just shows I’m old school.

The stage was outfitted with lots of pretty sparkly things- the backdrop, Jenny’s dress, and big balloons full of confetti.

The lineup included the four members, a trumpet/keyboard player, and the girl from the opening band on a pair of conga drums. Really? Did we need her and her bowl haircut and Clockwork Orange spider eyeliner? A superfluous member. She must be someone’s sister from the band, because you don’t really hire a conga/tambourine player because you need them. You just hand them something to make them feel special. “Stand in the back and play this every other song.”
Aside from the annoying extra band members, they were really on their game. Jenny sounded amazing, of course. I really have a girl crush http://www.urbanup.com/838641 on her, and couldn’t understand why the guys in the audience weren’t jumping on stage and throwing themselves at her feet or proposing marriage. Because if I was a guy I would have.
So I was mellow, doing my little sway/head bounce indie dance moves, when rude girl behind me (remember her?) slams me from behind, jumping up and down and yelling “Dance! Come on! Dance! Let’s do it! Come on, they want you to!” and emitting various woos and aaahs. One cold stare over my left shoulder hit her right in the face and she absolutely froze mid jump, stepped back a little and stood quiet the rest of the night. It must have been my smoky dark eyemakeup or perhaps the nostril flair that emitted a “don’t piss me off” vibe? I don’t know. Ha.
Other annoying people- at one point during a mellow love song two drunk couples started a local meeting of the Middle-aged Makeout Club. My Mom actually pointed them out to me, two people away from us, and said “And you thought I would embarrass you?”
I also avoided embarrassment by somehow not seeing my equally Rilo Kiley-obsessed ex, who may or may not have been there. If he had, I suspect he saw me and turned to run. If he saw my Mom who he know hates him he definitely ran away. In any case, every tall-ish shaggy haired guy in a glasses, a sweater and Converse caused me to shudder until I realized it was not him. And there were a shitload of those. for further reference please see http://www.yourscenesucks.com/

All in all, it was an amazing show and I went home with a sore throat from singing. Whatever to the nay-sayers who don’t like the new album. Here are more pictures. Sorry they kind of suck in the way that pictures from the audience with stage lighting and the backs of peoples heads always look.

SNL - People Getting Punched Just Before Eating

Around the world without leaving Orange, CA

Saturday,
Theme party. Aja's birthday. It's "Around the World," i.e. dress up like a foreigner and drink the beer of said country.

So I love theme parties, and used to throw quite a few, so ask me to dress up and I'm all in. The rest of the party, however, does not have my same enthusiasm so I kind of felt like Bridget Jones when she shows up at the Tarts & Vicars party in a Playboy Bunny costume, and no one told her they changed it to a regular ol' party and she's the only one dressed up.


Beer fixes my embarrassment. Ok so it wasn't that bad, I did look cool and got the most compliments.

Here's to celebrating my one-eighth Germanity (yes, that is a word now). And to drinking out of glasses that hold 4 or 5 bottles of beer. Prost!!

Can't you tell what country Daniel is?

Choices- the whole world? Tunisia? Nothing???

He doesn't even know. I may remove his Team Best status.

Here's another one... Danielle. Can you guess??

Boston. Is not a country. But she was just reppin' her team which LOST pathetically so she drowns her sorrows in beer pong.
The birthday girl Aja is the one in the red asianish robe. Get it??

So I chose not to join in the beer pong but to stand in the next room and watch it and make snide comments with Daniel (per usual). Here is my reasoning- you're drinking beer that had a ball in it. Don't kid yourself that a quick dunk in a cup of water or the alcohol content of Coors Light is saving you from drinking a dirty nasty domestic beer. You might as well just lick the floor, eat a few clumps of hair from the dog that was running around the kitchen, lick the dog, and then pound a few warmish beers. I know it doesn’t sound as fun to those of you who play it, but to me, neither does throwing ping pong balls across a table.

The highlight of the night had to be the sketch on SNL “People getting punched just before eating.” The funniest shit on the show since… I don’t remember. How sad is that?
Ok here, watch it a few times, please. Then email Lorne Michaels and ask him why there isn’t more shit like this on the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dlSDHrhR9E

So the fact that zombies are in it really makes it an overall success. When they showed up at the end, dancing, Daniel correctly asserted that they “made my night.” He knows how much I love the walking dead. Those crazy cats.

Luckily I made it home safely, no zombie attacks, and I had a snack before bed without Andy Samberg showing up to punch me. Actually, I wish he had. That would have been cool.