American Christmas

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Election 2008 Post-Mortem

After a hospital patient dies the doctors all get together and talk about why they died and what could have been done (a conference on "oopsies"). At least this is what happens on medical TV shows, where I gather much of my medical know-how.

So let's have a conference on the political oopsies.

Starting at the top. President Elect Obama. I'm starting to like the sound of that. His name is just fun to say, especially "Obama, Obama, banana-fana-fo-fama." Say it. Out loud.

But... I'm an Independent and voted for Bob Barr (while silently weeping for not writing in Ronnie Paul). I like voting third party because no matter which of the two major party candidates wins, I can still complain about all of you people who elected either a D or R. Because in the next 4 years no matter who won the election, some supporters will turn against him, and I can claim no responsibility. But unlike the "oh I didn't vote because (insert stupid excuse here)" crowd, you can't tell me not to complain. Take that! But really, I'm coming around to this guy. There were strong detractors I won't get into which meant I didn't vote for him, but since Cali was going blue anyway it wasn't a big deal. I want to go off on a rant about the electoral college right now, but I think blogger has a word limit.

Next item, Prop 2, or the Be Nice to Claustrophobic Animals bill. I was glad this passed, but didn't know that it won't even take effect until 2015. 20 effing 15. Another presidential election will have come and gone by then. We probably won't even remember what we voted for back in the previous decade. The planet will be an average of 20 degrees warmer by then anyway, so it won't matter what chicken farms look like because they'll all be fried to a crisp.
OK so I made the last part up. Maybe.

The other one people actually remember after tossing their voter pamphlet was Prop 8. I don't want to get on a soapbox, but I happen to support equal rights, have a deep personal bias on the issue of gay rights, and had to control my feelings of rage when my hometown was a sea of cheery yellow plastic Yes signs. Props to my sister for her hand-made NO signs posted around the Yes signs on the streetposts on Commonwealth. Unfortunately the money spent on the Yes campaign won out. Or it was the rain that destroyed her signs which swayed the vote. I don't know for sure. I do know that there are protests across the nation for a California proposition, and I find that remarkable.
I'm still upset about this, so I'm going to a rally this Sunday at the OC LDS temple to make a statement about the meddling with politics by a religious institution. I don't understand how $22,000,000 spent by one religious sect on a ballot proposition is a separation of church and state. As a Christian I worry that people assume that I'm small minded, but it's just the opposite. I'm very open minded. If I wasn't I'd still be an atheist. If I wasn't open minded I may have believed the lies that the Yes campaign spread.
Now I'm taking to the streets, which I should have done before the election, but I really thought this would go down in flames. It hurts my heart that it passed. It also hurts that it "passed" even with millions of uncounted absentee ballots (one of those is mine!! Hello?) sitting in boxes somewhere. According to the Secretary of State herself a few days ago, there were almost 2 million uncounted. My lonely little paper dude is waiting in the dark to be read. Waiting with millions of other ballots that we owe a voice.

The rest of the props were about spending more money on something. One was about abortion. I don't want to go there...
So, with that, I'm done. I haven't discovered the real post-mortem answers, namely what could have been done to have saved us from certain outcomes. But who can really say?

What's the big deal?

So this weekend was full of news, and I thought I'd take the time to rant on some of it. It's the day after a long weekend and I'm not ready to actually work yet.

Last night and this morning on the tv network and cable news the top stories were a pregnant 17 year old, this gathering of old rich dudes called a "convention," and a huge storm thrashing the Gulf Coast. You may not of known about the tropical storm with the media storm surrounding Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol.

Bristol Palin's pregnancy was the largest item on the news and stomped all over coverage of everything else. Interview this morning with Ray Nagin on The Today Show? Bookended by longer interviews with people about the pregnancy. An item on the convention? Littered with mentions of the pregnancy. So I asked myself this morning driving in to work- what's the big deal??

So the big deal is, Bristol Palin is 17 and unmarried. Her mom's people were probably defuddled by the backlash. Her people are thinking, "But, but, Juno was like the most popular movie last year, people loved it, we thought she'd be just as adorable as that Ellen Page with a little 'baby bump'- people eat that up! Look how photogenic Bristol is!"

People are saying she's a bad mom because she hasn't been watching her daughter enough and this is what happens. Oh, what is the big deal?? When asked how her mother's busy schedule on the road with McCain would affect her parents keeping an eye on her, she was like, "Yeah, my Mom will be gone a lot with that white haired dude, but I'm already pregnant, what other shennanigans can I get in to?" and shrugged. The room of reporters cooed and giggled. "Oh, she is so cute!" I thought, "and makes funny pop culture references!"

I saw a picture of Bristol holding her little brother wrapped in a blankie. Now, my hours of careful research (People, Us Weekly, TMZ.com, etc) have revealed that at 5 months pregnant, you're supposed to "hide the baby bump" from photogs. She took a cue from Jennifer Garner or Jessica Alba or a number of way-pregnant celebs that wearing a flowy dress, carrying a large Birkin bag or bucket of fish heads in front of your bulging tummy is a great way to hedge the "is she or isn't she?" rumors. Very savy, Bristol!!

Also, everyone knows that babies are the new chihuahua, duh. Have you seen the pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears all over town with her baby? She went from tabloid trash talk to adorable Hollywood mommy just with the addition of a $1500 stroller and expensive baby clothes. How quickly we can go from gossiping over an unwed teenage mother to commenting on how quickly she got her post-baby bod back in shape, you go girl!!

Nothing takes the wind out of the sails of a scandal like a cute baby pictures.

Note how the quote says "Being a mom is the best feeling in the world." Not "oh shit I destroyed my life." It's all in the attitude, girls!

People has already announced they'll pay a $3 mil for the first photos of the little Palin bastard. The Brangelina twins replied "Oh hells no you didn't!" but since they're like 10 weeks old it sounded more like "gahhh bleh booboo ya!"

Sarah Palin commented that her daughter will marry the baby daddy. You know what that means- no, not a shotgun wedding with a grumpy groom who knows his life is now sooooo over at 18. It's time for People Magazine's coverage on the wedding plans!! I cannot wait. Oh, here's the secret location shot from a helicopter. Here's an exclusive interview with an inside source about the candy favors they've selected, and what their colors will be. It happened with Ashley Simpson, who was also wink wink not pregnant hehe when she married that emo haired dude.

So, in conclusion, get over it, people! She's not the first or last teenager to get pregnant. Let's start talking about the issues in this election, not Cindy McCain's fashion choices or Obama's half bro living in a mud hut. Real issues, like that crap that's going on in the state of Georgia, or Paris Hilton's energy plan.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

So tomorrow's my birthday, why am I not excited?

Reasons my birthday kinda sucks this year:

1. I finished finals yesterday, and my brain feels like melted ice cream.

2. I was going to take the day off of work, play hooky and go to Glen Ivy. I have a gift certificate, people took the day off work for me, but my boss is going on a trip so I must work. Instead of sitting by the pool, coating myself with mud and sipping iced tea, I'll be running the office. Wheee!

3. I have no idea what to do on my birthday. I keep getting asked what I want to do and I can't decide. This ties in to reason #1 somehow.

4. My weekend is jam-packed with other people's celebrations. Yay, you graduated! Yay, you're getting married! Yay, it's your birthday too! I have many parties to attend, and none for little old me. Aaron wants to take me shopping, but we don't even have time to go. Bleh.

5. My birthday party or whatever my friend is planning isn't for at least a month. Yes, one month after my actual birthday.

So here's my internal struggle, why am I so selfish? Should I expect all of these complaints to vanish, because I need to get over myself? Do I even want to get older? Not really, but at least I still look younger than my age. For now.

So here's to me, let's see how it all turns out. It may be an ok birthday after all, maybe I just need to suck it up.

On the bright side: I'm not 30 yet. I don't have wrinkles yet. I'm working my butt off towards school and writing, so, hey at least I feel further along than at my last birthday. And at least someone is planning something for me, but I'm afraid of what it is. And lastly, I think after 25, birthdays are just supposed to suck a little.

Attack of the Allisons

So a few days ago someone insisted they saw me somewhere in Huntington Beach, but it wasn't me, yet they insisted it looked just like me. It creeped me out.

Then in the same week I get a message from my pal TiJae that there's a girl who looks like me on Make Me A Supermodel. It made me start thinking about the times people say "Hey, you look like [ ]!"

So here's a rundown, cast your ballots for who you think matches the best.

The first and most bizarre, Celine Dion. Whaa? From numerous people.

Really, I don't see it. Not that I should be insulted, but I don't like this one.

Not that I wouldn't mind having her money, or her voice, but her face? Not so much.

The next one I agree with, to the point where watching "Fashionista Diaries" on the Soap Network (shut up, ok?) was weird for me. She even made the same expressions as me.

Tina from "Fashionista Diaries"

The most recent one TiJae pointed out is the girl Holly on "Make Me A Supermodel." At least people tell me I look like stylish people.

I see the resemblance here. And from the show, she seems nice. At least she's not the tranny.

But the long shot, and I mean long, is someone once told me I look like Mary-Louise Parker. Maybe it was just a pickup line, I mean I'm flattered because she's cool and all, but I don't really see it.

Sigh, this picture just reminds me that I'm dying with the Season 3 cliffhanger of "Weeds."

So, people, let me know which one you think.

-Allison "I swear I'm not a narcissist" Ritto

Hipster Quiz

Hipster - 9 out of 12 Damn!
Not a hipster- 0 out of 12 Damn! Damn!

Damn! I can no longer mock.-Ali

The Hipster Handbook defines a hipster in a dictionary style on the back of the book's dust jacket:"hip . ster -\hip-stur(s)\n. One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term "cool": a Hipster would instead say "deck.") The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat."

The Hipster Handbook further defines a hipster by use of lists:
12 Clues You Are a Hipster
1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration.
2. You frequently use the term 'postmodern' (or its commonly used variation 'PoMo') as an adjective, noun, and verb.
3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.
4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (ElimiDATE, Quiet Riot, and Entertainment Weekly are popular ones) that helps to define you as well-rounded.
5.You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.
6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine.
7. You bought your dishes and a checkered tablecloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties.
8. You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your 'one Republican friend.'
9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself.
10. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.
11. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, Saddle Creek, and Drag City."
12. You have downloaded R. Stevie Moore videos and have attempted to enjoy them.

12 Clues You Are Not a Hipster
1. You teach Sunday school.
2. You use hair spray and wear pleated pants or pastel dress suits.
3. You are a big fan of the suburbs and vinyl siding.
4. You have a special 'spill shirt' that you wear when you eat dinner at night.
5. You like to watch college football.
6. You read novels with raised lettering on their covers.
7. You eat at Popeye's on a regular basis.
8. You listen to the Dave Matthews Band while driving in your SUV.
9. You wear holiday-themed sweaters with Santa Clauses, jack-o'-lanterns, and snowflake patterns knitted onto them.
10. You work in an office building that has a man-made pond and a fountain in its front lot.
11. You consider Jim Breuer to be a comic genius.
12. You know nothing of R. Stevie Moore and would not listen to him given the opportunity.

Rilo Kiley show

Rilo Kiley

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting (really only a month) it was time to see Rilo Kiley at the Grove in Anaheim.

I haven’t been out on a school/work night that late for a while, but the bags under my eyes are worth it. Nothing that caffeine can’t fix.

I would have had a full night’s rest of they had cut out the first opening act, It’s a Grand Ole Party. Let me say, they were neither grand nor anything close to a party. The lead singer played drums ala Meg White (not a compliment) and sang- with a headset. She had a good voice, but it was awkwardly uncomfortable to watch her drum poorly while singing and making faces like she’s having a stroke. I escaped to the lobby to drink an $8 Newcastle with my Mom and peoplewatch.

I discovered a few things. One, the resurgence in leggings has opened the door to their evil siblings, stretch pants and bike shorts. These should only be worn under something, and that something is not an oversized belt and t-shirt. Another, I think this spandex influx also brought back the rat-tail hair thing??? (whatever you call it when you have one strand of hair sprouted out the back of your head) I need to invest in a spy camera, preferably one that attaches to my glasses so I can take pictures of these things without getting caught.
I even saw a girl dressed up early in her Halloween costume as my fave British popwreck, Amy Winehouse. Seriously, is this a “thing” now, this “look”??? The black mess on your head with sideswept bangs, skinny jeans, and ballet slippers? What kind of fuckery is this? Too bad she didn’t go all out with the batwing eyeliner. What a cop out.

Lastly, my Mom was the coolest person over 30 there. I’d much prefer people to say about me “Is that girl hanging out with her Mom?” than “Are those bike shorts?”

After the second band started we went inside for some mellow guy and girl duo, they were ok, but strangely resembled a younger version of the Anna Gasteyer/Will Ferrel SNL duo “The Culps” who sang loungey and upbeat ditties with an organ and tambourine. http://snl.jt.org/char.php?i=423
When they finally finished it was twenty minutes or more of painfully waiting for RK.
When the eternal wait was over, the lights dimmed, we all started “Woo-hoo”ing and out walks- A Dolly Parton impersonator.
So it was funny, but mildly irritating. After 5 songs it was no longer funny and extremely irritating, more irritating than the tall guy standing in front of me. The audience turned on her halfway into her second song.

This picture is purposely blurry, because you don't want to see what she really looked like.

Maybe Rilo Kiley found her in Vegas after their Saturday night show and decided to bring her on the tour as a gag? No thank you. The band finally entered during her heartfelt rendition of “I Will Always Love You” or whatever it’s called and the girl behind me said “What? Whitney Houston?” More about her later.

So they finally played. And it was amazing. They made me happy by including songs from More Adventurous, The Execution of All Things, AND Takeoffs and Landings, not just their latest release Under The Blacklight. But I was certain my faves from Rilo Kiley, the old old one, would not show up, and I was right. Guess that just shows I’m old school.

The stage was outfitted with lots of pretty sparkly things- the backdrop, Jenny’s dress, and big balloons full of confetti.

The lineup included the four members, a trumpet/keyboard player, and the girl from the opening band on a pair of conga drums. Really? Did we need her and her bowl haircut and Clockwork Orange spider eyeliner? A superfluous member. She must be someone’s sister from the band, because you don’t really hire a conga/tambourine player because you need them. You just hand them something to make them feel special. “Stand in the back and play this every other song.”
Aside from the annoying extra band members, they were really on their game. Jenny sounded amazing, of course. I really have a girl crush http://www.urbanup.com/838641 on her, and couldn’t understand why the guys in the audience weren’t jumping on stage and throwing themselves at her feet or proposing marriage. Because if I was a guy I would have.
So I was mellow, doing my little sway/head bounce indie dance moves, when rude girl behind me (remember her?) slams me from behind, jumping up and down and yelling “Dance! Come on! Dance! Let’s do it! Come on, they want you to!” and emitting various woos and aaahs. One cold stare over my left shoulder hit her right in the face and she absolutely froze mid jump, stepped back a little and stood quiet the rest of the night. It must have been my smoky dark eyemakeup or perhaps the nostril flair that emitted a “don’t piss me off” vibe? I don’t know. Ha.
Other annoying people- at one point during a mellow love song two drunk couples started a local meeting of the Middle-aged Makeout Club. My Mom actually pointed them out to me, two people away from us, and said “And you thought I would embarrass you?”
I also avoided embarrassment by somehow not seeing my equally Rilo Kiley-obsessed ex, who may or may not have been there. If he had, I suspect he saw me and turned to run. If he saw my Mom who he know hates him he definitely ran away. In any case, every tall-ish shaggy haired guy in a glasses, a sweater and Converse caused me to shudder until I realized it was not him. And there were a shitload of those. for further reference please see http://www.yourscenesucks.com/

All in all, it was an amazing show and I went home with a sore throat from singing. Whatever to the nay-sayers who don’t like the new album. Here are more pictures. Sorry they kind of suck in the way that pictures from the audience with stage lighting and the backs of peoples heads always look.